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How to Get a Date

by Becoming a Person
8 mins read

You get a date by asking someone out. If you don’t ask, then you won’t get a date. Ask them to grab a casual coffee or a beer.  You meet people to ask out by using dating apps, joining clubs and groups, going to bars and clubs, or by getting set up by friends or family. Often you will get rejections, but this is natural and everyone experiences this.

For those who are less experienced, getting a date can seem daunting.

Where do I begin?

Do I just ask someone out?

In truth, while it can seem difficult, there are many ways to get a date. For many people getting dates can be an exciting and fun process. So let’s get started by going over exactly how to get a a date.

Being the Best Version of Yourself

There are somethings you can not change. These include your height, facial features, or voice.

However, what you can control makes an enormous difference in how attractive others will perceive you. You can control your fitness, how you dress, and your lifestyle. These are what you need to focus on improving. Improving these aspects of yourself will help you get a date, but they will also help you value yourself and improve your quality of life.

Fitness

You need to be in decent shape.

Your physical fitness is very visual and will likely make the biggest difference in initial attraction. Additionally, being physically fit will help your overall health, give you more energy, and make you feel better. These qualities will bleed over into other aspects of your personality.

Also, have a good build makes dressing well so much easier. When you are in great shape, a simple grey t-shirt and jeans can be considered an attractive outfit. Yet, if you are carrying a lot of extra weight, the same outfit will seem sloppy and lazy.

How do you start improving your health?

Exercise

Everyone should have a consistent and simple exercise routine. No excuses. For men, it should include some weight lifting to create the best physique.

Personally, I suggest starting out with exercising 3 days a week. Each day should focus on a different muscle group. For instance if I am busy and can only exercise 3 days a week, then I use the following exercise plan with dumbbells at home.

  • MONDAY——Chest and Back
  • 1) push-ups – 4 sets of 25 with 1 minute of rest in between
  •               ***rest 2 minutes***
  • 2) straight leg deadlights with dumbbell – 4 sets of 20 with 1 minute of rest inbetween
  •         ***rest 2 minutes***
  • 3) rows with dumbbell- 4 sets of 25 on each side with 1 minute of rest in between
  •         ***rest 2 minutes***
  • 4  planks – 3 sets for 1 minute each with 1 minute of rest in-between
  • ——————————————————————————–
  • WEDNESDAY——Legs
  • 1) Squats with dumbbell – 4 sets of 25 with 1 minute of rest in between
  •               ***rest 2 minutes***
  • 2) Side leg raises – 4 sets of 45 on each side with 1 minute of rest in-between
  •         ***rest 2 minutes***
  • 3) Calf-raises on whatever – 4 sets of 50 with 1 minute of rest in-between
  •         ***rest 2 minutes***
  • 4) Planks  – 3 sets for 1 minute each with 1 minute of rest in-between
  • ——————————————————————————–
  • FRIDAY or SATURDAY or SUNDAY——Arms and Shoulders
  • 1) Curls – 4 sets of 25 with 1 minute of rest in between
  •               ***rest 2 minutes***
  • 2) Shoulder press with dumbbell – 4 sets of 25 with 1 minute of rest in-between
  •         ***rest 2 minutes***
  • 3) Shrugs with dumbbell – 4 sets of 40 with 1 minute of rest in-between
  •         ***rest 2 minutes***
  • 4) Leg raises  – 3 sets of 25 with 1 minute of rest in-between
  •         ***rest 2 minutes***
  • 5) Overhead triceps extension with dumbbell  – 4 sets of 20 with 1 minute of rest in-between

I created this exercise plan while on an extremely busy schedule and with an extremely tight budget. I did my workouts at home with just three dumbbells and it kept me in well above average shape. The key is the short rest in-between. These workouts will be fast, but are intense and will stimulate muscle growth if done properly.

You can absolutely add more exercises or increase frequency to further develop muscle growth. This is just a beginner workout schedule.

Diet

I won’t go so deep into this aspect, but will touch on some general things to keep in mind.

Your diet determines your weight loss. Not your exercising habits.

It is very common for people to workout intensely and expect to see the fat drop away. Some people believe doing crunches everyday will give them visible abs. Without a proper diet, this will not happen.

Yes, exercise helps burn calories, but fat loss is all about eating at a deficient. This means you burn more calories in the day than you consume.

There is more to it than just that, but that’s a great entry point to understanding your diet.

If there is one dietary change I recommend the most, it is to eliminate high sugar products. This means stop drinking soda, eating cookies, and other sugary foods. There is an enormous number of calories in soda and other sugary foods that people consider just to be snacks. These calories add up and sugar in particular helps build fat.

Additionally keep in mind that if you are losing weight, you will feel hungry. This is expected and something you will have to endure. Hunger pangs come in waves and you will get better at controlling yourself.

If you do have a lapse in your diet, remember to bend and not break. Maybe eat that cookie from Subway, but do not eat an entire box of Oreos by yourself. You will regret it.

Style

Clothes

When it comes to style simpler is better. Buy combinations of earth toned t-shirts, casual button-ups, jeans, and chino pants for your wardrobe. Simplicity of design and fit are the most important aspects here. Follow this great guide from Art of Manliness to build a basic wardrobe.

Own a light jacket, heavy jacket, and a rain jacket. I recommend a bomber jacket for the light jacket, a wool lined coat for your heavier jacket, and North Face for your rain jacket. Different styles and brands are fine, but just keep in mind that you want functionality and simple design.

Own a black belt and a brown belt. Match your leathers so that your shoes match your belt and so does your watch strap.

Don’t wear anything too flashy. A simple and clean look works wonders for most guys and is easy to accomplish.

Grooming

Basic grooming is perfectly fine here and it doesn’t need to be over the top.

If you have a beard, make sure you know how to trim it so it looks neat.

Basic skincare involves using moisturizer and sunscreen every day. The moisturizer and sunscreen will keep your facial skin appearing so much younger that I cannot recommend this enough. This is mandatory skincare. If you have acne, use a Benxyl Peroxide wash and don’t be afraid to go to a dermatologist. Acne is an infection of the skin. It is a medical condition and should be treated like one.

Keep your hair short for simplicity unless you know how to care for long hair. Ask your barber what haircut would look best on you. Trust the professionals.

Lifestyle

Your lifestyle is incredibly important to improving your attractiveness. This aspect probably is more important than attractiveness and style are alone.

I’ve known very attractive guys who struggle with meeting and attracting women, because they had few friends and only played videogames on the weekends.

I know guys who would be normally considered ugly who have amazingly gorgeous partners and can easily get dates. These guys live interesting and attractive lifestyles. They have many friends, host parties, travel, manage their money, and might have a creative or athletic hobby.

You need an attractive lifestyle to find true success in the dating game and to get a date.

This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy videogames to relax. This means you have an active and rich social life, diverse hobbies, and are financially stable.

No one wants a gorgeous and handsome man who has no plans on the weekend and no friends to share their life with. No one wants a stylish guy who relies on food stamps and lives with his parents because he can’t support himself.

These topics on being your best self are so rich on their own that I won’t go into deep into each one in this post. You can check out our guide on how to make friends here.

Meeting a Potential Date

Remember to get a date, you need to ask someone out. But where do you find someone to ask out?

There are many places to meet someone for a date and it can truly happen anywhere. From the grocery store, to church, or even the workplace, romance can happen anywhere. Although I would not recommend a workplace romance 😉

Let’s go over the best places to meet someone special.

Dating Apps

You can’t ignore online dating apps anymore.

So many people use them exclusively to meet others that you need to use them. It’s true that there are notoriously unrewarding, but if you use them correctly then you will have success.

Your success will be completely based on your profile and mostly on your pictures. If you have bad pictures, you will not have success. If you have good pictures, you will enjoy success.

Don’t be afraid to hire someone to take pictures of. You could tell them that you just want good pictures for your social media if you are too shy to admit they are for dating apps.

Which Dating Apps to Use

You should use Bumble and Tinder. If you are living abroad, you can also use MEEFF.

Bumble is a good app that will give you matches without paying for their premium subscription. They limit how many people you can swipe on, but I regularly get matches from Bumble. I will probably get a match a day if I am frequently swiping.

The conversations on Bumble also tend to go longer than on Tinder. This might be because the woman must message first and is more invested. I am not completely sure, but this is just my experience.

Tinder is mostly a paid app. Initially you will get matches and be seen with a new profile, but to have real success on this app you will need to at least buy boosts and Tinder Gold.

I went from maybe having one or two matches trickle in from Tinder to over 120 matches in about a couple months. This happened after I purchased boosts and Tinder Gold. Also keep in mind that I am currently living in a city of 22 million so there are virtually infinite people to swipe on.

How to Use Dating Apps

When you match will someone don’t worry so much about what you say. You should only care about if they are responsive or not. Most people will not be responsive enough to have a conversation. Most matches will not lead to dates.

When you message someone, just try to get to know them. I find that this usually gets me a date more often than trying to have a funny or non-serious conversation.

Message them for a day or two and then ask them out for dinner or a coffee. If they are too busy to meet, then at most ask once more. Rinse and repeat.

There is no special formula here. It’s just a numbers game and yes, it can be exhausting. It can feel like you are sending tons of messages and not getting results. This is why you only message someone for a couple days at most and meeting in person is the goal. Don’t act impatient or pressure someone while messaging, but you also shouldn’t waste too much time either.

Some studies have shown that a clever opener gets the most responses, but I doubt this has any effect on the overall conversation. This is purely from personal experience and speculation though. In my experience, she is either receptive for a conversation or not. No clever pun will change that beyond the first message.

Bars and Clubs

Bars and clubs are good places to get dates and meet people. Clubs and bars in particular cater more to the instant connection and hook-up culture, yet often numbers will get exchanged after a fun night out. In my experience numbers are exchanged more than one-night stands happen. These connections could of course lead to a date.

The real value here is that it is appropriate to approach people explicitly to hit on them in a bar or club. You can’t start hitting on a random person in the grocery store and expect many good results. Also, the demographics are much more likely to be in your peer group and looking to also meet someone. This assumes of course you choose the correct bar. Your neighborhood pub won’t be the best place to meet ladies on a Friday night.

My advice is to just go and have fun. Approach some people that you think are fun and strike up a conversation. I commonly approach people and say:

“Hey, I came here to meet people. Do you mind if I join you?”

As long as you’re smiling and nonthreatening this works at a startlingly high percentage.  I also like to bring a sociable friend and approach girls in groups or two or three. This can be less intimidating that approaching on your own.

After you start talking, just focus on getting to know the person and having a fun night. If you meet new people, met some cute girls, and had a fun night then that night was a success. Even if you didn’t come home with a number that could lead to a date.

Social or Hobby Groups

This is another great way to meet people who might just be single and attractive.

You will learn a new hobby or skill and have an instant mutual interest with the other people in the group.

Try and join a club that at least has an equal ratio of guys and girls. Some groups will not help you get a date. If you join a Warhammer figurine group that is 95% guys, then you will not meet someone to date in that group.

The best types of clubs and groups to join in my experience are social sports, dancing groups, and hiking/outdoor groups. These people are usually younger, physically fit, and appeal to both men and women. For social sports, it should be a coed sport. This means either ultimate frisbee, volleyball, dodgeball, kickball, or something else similar. Find these groups on Facebook or on Meetup.

Don’t go into the group with the sole intent of meeting someone to date. Again this is something people mostly do to practice their hobby and make new friends. Just try and get to know people and you might just hit it off with someone cute and single.

Asking Someone Out

Ok, so now you’ve met someone you enjoy talking to and you are attracted to. You are pretty sure she is also interested. How do you actually ask her out?

This is the easy part.

Just say something like the following.

“I think you’re cute and would love to get to know you better. Do you want to meet up for dinner?”

That’s it. Don’t overthink it. It can be in person or over text.

If she says yes, then great. If she says no, then don’t worry. It’s likely nothing personal. You have no idea why she said no and it could have nothing to do with you. Or she might just not be attracted to you. This is ok too. Move on and find someone else.

I’m not going to write too much here, because there really isn’t much to add. Just ask her out already.

Conclusion

Ultimately, this is just a numbers game. You will need to meet many people to find some single and attractive people. You likely will need to ask lots of people out to get some dates. And beyond this you will need to go one quite a few dates, to find someone that you really enjoy and want to make a relationship with.

Some people get lucky and someone great falls into their life. For others it takes time and effort.

The best and most proactive things you can do are improve your fitness, style, and lifestyle while actively meeting people and asking some out. Don’t fall in the trap of deciding to improve yourself before you try and meet someone.

This is often used by men who fear rejection and don’t understand that you don’t need to be perfect for someone to like you. No one is perfect and everyone has insecurities. The fact that you are actively trying to improve yourself goes a long way.

Good luck and check out other guides from Becoming a Person.

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